re: science + meaning

I can analyze and  I can synthesize. I can predict the motions of molecules and calculate the velocity of a pencil dropping and make drugs that will make your diseases go away.

We scientists, we can play god. We have dreams and visions of a world without cancer and diabetes and eye degeneration and we make this world a reality; we can resuscitate and kill with the pull of a plug, we know death’s secrets. We imagine a world where knowledge has no price and communication has no bounds and now, now we cannot escape these technological gadgets connecting human to human so that we are never truly alone.

But although we can reduce the mechanisms of the cosmos into measurable objectivity and test the limits of innovation and creativity, we do not understand the basis of human experience. We have missed, and perhaps will always miss, the greatest truths of human life.

I cannot measure the depth or height or width of the love God has for me, or that I have for my family or friends. I cannot weigh the sacrifice of my parents when they raised me. I cannot reproduce a pixelated Himalayan mountain sunset. I cannot quantify the hopes i have in my heart nor analyze their incompatibly with the fears I have in my heart. I cannot calibrate my weakness and my strengths and I cannot gauge my place in my world. I cannot compute the joy in my heart when I am with the ones I love most and we are laughing and love is a tangible force in the atmosphere.

And so, as I learn the value in reproducibility and accuracy of the scientific method, i remember that I must never forget how to feel deeply. I must remember that to have a cold, hardened heart is perhaps more scary than death itself. I would rather be placed in a grave, or burned to ashes, than to not love and be loved, or appreciate truth or beauty for as they are.

I want to feel the wind on my face and the joy in my heart, but not for the feeling itself. I want to be convicted in my heart of hearts and the freedom and courage to live out my convictions. I do not want to be trapped my fear or insecurities; I am young, but I am dying. I have been dying since i have breathed my first. The only difference between me and the elderly is that they have less time- wait. My days are no more guaranteed than their days. I could die any second, and every breath is by the grace of God.

Do you believe that?

If you did, would you trust in science or your heart? Would you believe yourself when you said that that people were more important than things? Would you find courage in your heart to stop chasing money, success, and popularity and the dreams that society says are so important and instead choose love? Would you trust that your dreams are worth the continual striving?

The heart reasons. We do not understand the reasons for we pay more attention to other people’s thoughts contained in hardbound, heavy textbooks that dull our eyes, harden our hearts, and nullify our dreams.

We have lost the ability to wonder. We have lost the ability to wonder not for the sake of wonder itself, or the sake of flighting emotion, but for our convictions themselves and the love that surrounds us.

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